mondays should just be called national damage control day
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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