i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
