Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
