he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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