she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
COCAINE IS GR8
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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