my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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