4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
