If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
