i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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