hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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