All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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