her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize