Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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