weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
