one might say we're banned from that church
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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