just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Randomize