have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
