Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
