yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
