life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
