I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
