CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
