please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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