she takes plan B like it's going out of style
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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