peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
