You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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