Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
