WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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