id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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