Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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