He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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