don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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