You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
