Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize