awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
