So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
