I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
