I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Are we in a gay sports bar?
where am i from again
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
