Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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