by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
