I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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