we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I didn't notice because vodka
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
