Redeem this text for a blowjob
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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