true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize