Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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