the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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