Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
