So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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