Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
