she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
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