Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
