I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
