Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
