her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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