and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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