Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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