i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
