I cockslap morals
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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