There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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