Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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