come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
