:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
