i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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