I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize